My brain is a bastard. It lies to me, betrays me, shuts off at inopportune moments.
Apparently, it does some of this to protect me. Our brains are remarkably good at finding information that confirms what we already believe and brushing past information that doesn’t. You’ve probably heard of confirmation bias.
Contradicting our existing beliefs can be deeply uncomfortable too — hello, cognitive dissonance.
If I believe I am an awful person, my brain will shift the focus to all the bad things I have done, and possibly will do.
When I was a kid I stole money from my supposed then-stepbrother. I hid it and got so scared of getting caught I ended up tossing it in the bin outside my home. Then the dude started threatening me so I fished the cash out of the trash and returned it to him with a letter listing all the bad things his mom had done to me and my little sibling. I digress. The point is, when determining what kind of person I am, I think about incidents like these. Bad decision = bad person.
What does my brain NOT bring into the equation? Every time I helped a friend. Every time I was there for my little sister. Every time I anonymously did a good deed.
Even now, my brain is still doing this. I could tell you the story about stealing, but I feel weird writing out a specific incident of me being a good person.
Rewiring a brain takes a million excruciating thoughts that challenge the pre-existing ones. It’s like building a house in a tornado. Every time you nail down a few boards, the door blows away, hitting the fence on its way off the property. But the more you do it, the calmer the storm becomes and the faster you can build the house. Of course, this only works if you also make decisions that align with the person you’re trying to become.
This isn’t just about me stealing money when I was younger. My brain does this every single day with every aspect of my life. It takes a missed workout and files it under “See? You are lazy.” It ignores the workouts I did show up to and the healthy meals I made for myself.
I want to be a healthier person. For a long time I’ve thought of myself as an unhealthy person who makes bad decisions regarding food, exercise, and general wellness. For the sake of this post, when I refer to a “healthy person” I don’t mean a person in the shape of The Rock and with the mind of Brené Brown. I mean someone who consistently makes good choices that have a positive impact on their wellbeing, both physical and mental.
So what comes first – the chicken or the egg? The decisions or the perception?
Honestly, evolution can argue with itself, I won’t solve it in a blog post.
I can’t really tell which comes first. There is no rule of thumb. Not that I’ve found anyway. The more I change my perception of myself, the likelier I am to grab a piece of fruit rather than a chocolate bar. And every time I pick the fruit, I strengthen my belief that I am a healthy person that makes healthy decisions.
You can apply this to every belief about yourself that you’re trying to challenge. Are you a negative person wanting to become a positive (or simply a realistic) one? Do you lack self-esteem but want to be as confident as a white man in his late 20s explaining crypto?
Just remember, your brain isn’t always telling you the truth. You are not your thoughts any more than you are your feelings. It’s all just information. A house isn’t each individual brick in a wall. It’s the whole structure.
You are more than one action. You are millions of little moments – not individual ones, but all of them.
Create the moments that shape you.
– Luc
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